I have no fear of dying.  I’m not particularly looking forward to the way it happens, because it will probably be painful in some way, whether I have some warning (like a terminal illness) or whether my life is taken quickly and unexpectedly (like a car accident).  I’ve felt this way for a long time, but it’s probably because I’ve had more than one close call in my life.  It’s in the immediate aftermath of those moments that I experience my deepest appreciation for life.

I know I will die someday, and though I don’t know when that day will be, I know I have a short time.  Next month I will be 26 years old.  That’s probably young to some of you readers, and you may think me morbid for even mentioning it.  But we cannot ignore the fact that we will all die.  It’s not at all uncommon for people in my generation to think themselves invincible.  After all, we have youth on our side, dreams that are as-yet unfulfilled, and plans and agendas to see to fruition.  We have hope for the future, and I am no different.

My bucket list contains things that you would probably expect:  Get a doctorate degree, travel to Europe, publish my book, meet a man and get married, adopt children, go skydiving.  But my most important life goals cannot be put on a list like this.  I can barely put them into words, but I will attempt it.

When I die, I want to go Home knowing that my life here meant something.  This is rather a nebulous idea but I do have certain criteria for it.  I want the people I have poured into to be better people for having known me.  I want to know that I’ve impacted someone’s eternity, that I loved well, did good things, that I was a good role model and a godly woman.  I would like for people to rejoice at my funeral, not because they’re happy to be rid of me, but because they thought my life was worth celebrating.

I want to live this out now and not wait for some particular event for life to really begin.  My life will not start when I’m married, or when I have a house or children.  It won’t start when I’m done with school.  It started almost 26 years ago.  I’ve had some incredible experiences and been poured into by countless people.  I want to return the favor.  I want to give back, and use the time I’ve been given wisely.  This is my desire.

So…how can I pour into you today?

 

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